“All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” — Walt Disney.
It's safe to say that in your lifetime you have likely encountered adversity. Times in life that things didn't go your way. The question is, how did you deal with it? Personally speaking I take issue with some. But before we get to that I'll share a story... The year was 1996. I was playing on my high school golf team and we were ranked 5th in the State. My own analytics told me that our chances of winning the championship were pretty low, but I believed the stars could align and give us a chance. On day one of the State Championships it was a cool, overcast day. We were playing golf in late October... in Michigan (you should expect chilly weather). I had one of those days that you don't want to forget. At the end of round one I shot a 73 and led the State. Our team was in 3rd, but very far back. That evening I couldn't get my mind off of golf. I was thinking ahead and I even struggled to sleep that night. In hindsight, I needed a good distraction. The next day was rainy, cold and blustery. I absolutely was off my game and ended up finishing 6th overall. I earned All-State honors, but you can imagine my disappointment. During the round I found myself trying my best, but it just wasn't happening. At one point I remember saying to myself, people notice how you deal with the bad days more than they notice how you deal with the good days. This was a reminder to keep my emotions in check. But deep down I was disappointed and frustrated. I walked away from the course that day feeling very sad. It was my last ever high school tournament and I didn't play well. I didn't throw things. I didn't scream expletives. I didn't break anything. I was disappointed. Some time passed and I was watching sports on TV. During the game I see the player throw his glove, kick a water cooler, and slam a bat repeatedly against the wall. As I watch the commentators talk about the players competitiveness and drive. They go right to the line of applauding his demonstrative antics. Just this past weekend I was reminded of this. I watched a ballgame where everything went sideways for one team. The players were dejected and frustrated. The very next game multiple players got angry and slammed helmets, tossed bats and yelled obscenities. However, the very next day the judgment and criticism was directed towards the disappointment in game one not the anger outbursts in game two. Furthermore, I recently watched a YouTube video where Hall of Fame coach Geno Auriemma blasted poor body language, but said next to nothing about pounding a fist or chucking a water bottle. My universal question is, why are we critical of people being disappointed but we give a pass to the individual that blows his/her cork? I'm here to say, I don't think either one is good. My issue is, why do so many people quickly overlook anger and focus squarely on disappointment? In Psychology Today, the phrase is used: Anger is motivating while sadness is immobilizing. I'm not here to say whether that's true or false. I simply have an issue with society. Society gives too many passes to anger outbursts and is too critical of the person that feels disappointment. At the end of the day, it's important to understand we are all unique and different. How people deal with adversity will not look universal. One person may look you square in the eye and cuss you out. Another may simple walk away with their head down. We are all on our own journey of self-awareness and growth. Ask yourself, how do you deal with adversity? In the moment of disappointment and frustration are you a person that lashes out or is the burning fire inside you that nobody else sees?
4 Comments
Jay
7/12/2022 02:29:58 pm
Love your perspective! And it’s dead on!💪
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Curt R
7/12/2022 03:49:28 pm
You are spot on Ben. While successes feel great, we often face needed tests during times of adversity. Hopefully that adversity can lead to our growth. Keep up the excellent work my friend.
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Geoff Zahn
7/12/2022 06:25:24 pm
Well done Ben! I must admit I lost control a few times but I was always taugh and experienced that one usually learns more from a loss while a victory just builds momentum. Great character builder and thermometer.
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Ben GilpinMr. Gilpin is a people first educator that is focused on serving others, building relationships, student engagement and empowering staff. Archives
November 2021
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